Well I survived the Stonehenge Film Auditions in Baltimore. I didn't forget any lines and I did okay. I started getting a frog in my throat midway into my monologue, but managed to get rid of it without having to visibly clear my throat. Also managed to keep stress to a reasonable level.

The auditions were held a small black box theatre. There were about 60 people from 35 production companies in the audience sitting on risers (a record number). Basically the only light was on the person doing the audition, but nobody watched the person; instead, everyone watched each audition projected onto a large screen. Most of the production companies were no pay/deferred pay. But about 6-8 did Screen Actors Guild low-budget productions and 2 paid SAG scale rates. There was also a casting director who has cast extras and supporting roles for major films. That was interesting.

The organizers from Team Jabberwocky brought us in to audition in groups of five and we had to perform a monologue suitable for TV or film that was not more than 90 seconds long. It went very fast! When each group finished up, all of the production company reps applauded. Then we were marched back into the theatre lobby and everyone there applauded. The organizers did that for every group. It was a nice stress breaker actually because every person who had just auditioned was thinking “Whew! Thank God that’s over!”

I ran into two actors I know. One was in the group before mine and the other in the group. I'd say of those I saw waiting to audition about 80 percent were twenty/thirty-somethings and 20 percent were over 40.

Although the specification was for monologues "suitable for TV or film" the ones I saw were overwhelmingly stage monologues, which meant mine looked very different and very abbreviated. We'll see if that turns out to be a plus or a minus. The young woman after me was very, very good. Glad she didn't go before me.

Anyway, glad I did it and glad it's over. It was a 90-minute drive each way. I got up at 6:30 a.m. and left the house at 11 for a 2:30 p.m. slot because I was afraid I'd get stuck in traffic. By the time I got home at 4:30 I was just dead. The auditions should be posted to YouTube by mid-July.

Despite the stress of auditioning for such a crowd I’m already planning a new monologue for the next Stonehenge Auditions, coming up on September 26th and also in Baltimore. This time I’m hoping to present a softer, gentler character to show some range. Will also use a different headshot.

For now my summer is busy days, nights, and weekends. Just wrapped on the hotel anti-terrorism video for the Dept. of Homeland Security. It was shot at the Wardman Park Marriott here in DC and I play “Grace,” who runs the gift shop next to the coffee shop where a bomb has been planted. (I love anti-terrorism videos!) Also voiced a conference video package for the School Nutrition Association. Tonight I’m meeting with the wardrobe person for the web series – Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden - that’s about to start shooting Season Three. Sunday I have read-through with the writer on a Sci-Fi animated short where I’ll be voicing the Artificial Intelligence character. Then on June 26^th I drive up to Philadelphia to audition for a narrator part on another short film. Despite all the voice work, my goal is still a dozen on-camera roles by the end of the year. Onward!

Trying to keep my nerves at bay. I landed an audition slot for Stonehenge XI, coming up on Sunday, June 6th, in Baltimore. I’ve prepared the 45 headshots and résumés required, and signed the release to let them tape my audition and post it to YouTube. It’s a good opportunity. Representatives from 35 independent production companies with near-term film projects in the works will be in attendance and the YouTube posting makes it possible – from what I’ve heard from other actors - to get as much or more work out of the web posting as from the live audition.

My monologue is an Elizabeth Deane scene in the sci-fi thriller Virtuosity (a role played by Louise Fletcher in the film). It’s the one where she’s offering a pardon from prison to Denzel Washington if he’ll catch the android killer, played by Russell Crowe. A very “I’ve got all the cards; take it or leave it” kind of scene that calls for cool on so many levels. So naturally the weather forecast for Sunday is high heat and humidity, which almost guarantees a shiny face and frizzy hair. Must think positive. I have the monologue down pat. Also my astrology forecast says Sunday is my lucky day. (Hey, I'm grasping at anything.)

I’m also hoping my scene is different enough to draw some positive attention. One thing I’ve noticed watching open auditions is that most dramatic monologues are essentially “I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.” So if you watch a large number of actor's audition, what you see frequently is this:

“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”
“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”
“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”
“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”

It very soon becomes a blur, and at Stonehenge the production reps watching will have seen about 80 of these before they get to me. I think every actor has to consider their monologue in the context of the open audition itself. Will I make them sit up and take notice with a scene that simply has me talking to someone else? I don't know. When I performed the monologue on camera in class, my drama instructor actor Michael Gabel (who’s had supporting roles in major films and done the Stonehenge auditions several times) said that I have a lot of on-camera presence and control, and that I command the screen in a way that is seldom seen at Stonehenge. I hope he's right. I also hope that whatever I did with it that night I manage to replicate on Sunday.

The SAG Regional Boards are recommending that all acting unions merge into one union – an idea that’s come up before but couldn’t get the required support of 60 percent of the SAG membership. Still, it again raises the questions of whether and when to join a union. Acting friends say union membership cuts you off from 90 percent of the work in the Baltimore/Washington area, but is that paying work? I need more experience, but by not joining am I missing out on a chance to take my career to a level that’s more professionally recognized?

And how much experience in film is enough experience? I watched Steven Spielberg’s Young Sherlock Holmes last week (a good film and superior in many ways to this year’s Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downing Jr. and Jude Law). The star of YSH, Nicholas Rowe, was 19 and fresh out of Eton with no acting experience apparently. Daddy was an MP, which may have helped him get a crack at reading for the part. Also, he looked like a young Sherlock Holmes, which helped. But, bottom line, he was extremely good in the role. He did sword fights, fist fights, love scenes. Spielberg’s a great director. Is it just good direction?

Or how about Himalaya – a dramatic film shot entirely with non-actors – in fact, with people who’d never seen a film because they lived in a village that’s a three-week hike from the nearest road. They quickly got the concept and turned in really remarkable performances.

Anyway, mulling it all over – unions, experience, whether I need to unlearn everything I’ve learned about acting for the stage because it doesn’t seem to help me in film. I’m reading I’ll be in my Trailer: The Creative Wars between Directors and Actors by John Badham and Craig Modderno, a terrific book recommended to me by actress Victoria Natalia. Very valuable insights into theatre and filmmaking, largely from the point of view of the director. I've learned a lot from that book.

But God I hate auditions. My heart pounds, my hands shake. Yesterday I auditioned for another industrial the company I work for is producing for the Department of Homeland Security. No monolog, no sides, no reader. I was asked to on the spot improvise one-half of a conversation. Bah! What kind of audition is that!

Well, a woman is not a prophet – nor an actor – in her own land. Looking ahead to Sunday.

One of the advantages in turning to acting later in life is that I’ve learned to research those areas where my experience is limited, to assess thoroughly the career advice I’m getting (since I’m paying for it out of my own pocket) but in the end to always trust my own judgment (since it's held me in good stead in the past). Certainly there are many wonderful acting instructors and coaches – wonderful actors themselves often. But outside of Los Angeles, New York and London many times what we encounter are instructors who are themselves struggling to get a career off the ground, or instructors whose experience and reputation is in local theatre. However much we admire them, they may not have every answer and their wisdom may not always be sound.

Another factor is that there is no single approach to acting, and that we pretty much have to find out for ourselves what works. But while sorting that out we may have to dodge bad advice – if we recognize it. For example, I do a lot of reading on the acting profession and one of the things I’ve read again and again is that auditors most appreciate monologues (when they ask for them) that show something of your personality, something that moves them or charms them in some way. They want to like you, in part because they're thinking ahead to what it will be like to work with you. What they do not want to see is a piece heavy on the “ick” factor – no monologues that have you stepping on gerbils, disrobing, shouting or raising mental images that make them feel embarrassed or uncomfortable during your audition. In fact, there is one obscure play - I think it's The Woolgatherers - that some auditors hate so much they will stop an actor from doing his monologue rather than endure any scenes from that play again.

Some months ago, I took a class from an instructor who has some reputation locally. The first day the class met I told her I was looking for a new monologue – something moving or charming. She said she had one she thought would work for me and that I might want to include in my repertoire for auditions. Well, given her reputation I was thrilled. After class I snatched up the monologue and rushed home anxious to read this gem and start learning the lines.

Well, hmmm. You know, I can accept the need to challenge yourself as an actor and to stretch beyond your comfort zone, but the monologue she recommended was not one that I would have ever performed in an audition, in class, or even in front of my most trusted friend. It was unbelievably icky! So much so that I am convinced that performing it publicly would have given me quite a reputation of my own locally and been a serious set back to my career. That the instructor thought that particular monologue was appropriate for auditions made me question her judgment and her advice. Consequently, I immediately transferred out of her class.

But how many budding actors get tripped-up by something like that? Probably at least some of those doing monologues from that much hated play mentioned above.

Crunch time. Looped the audio last weekend for a film in post. Audition tomorrow for another short film. Just returned from seeing the youngest graduate from college in Colorado. Will soon start rehearsals for “Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden.” Another audition in mid-May, this time for an industrial set to start shooting in early June. Somewhere in there I’m working a day job scripting corporate videos, writing magazine articles and finishing a drama class. It’s good to be busy. It’s also easier to get work when you have work.

I’m hoping to benefit from what actor David Millstone calls a shortage of non-union over 40. My goal is to have 8-10 short film roles in the can by the end of the year and then to add union membership to my résumé. This is my year for putting to practice what I’ve learned, and it’s a struggle - a struggle getting it natural. I would like to take another class or two, but something that really challenges me. I’ve heard that the instructors at Studio Theatre in DC are a rather exacting lot, so I may take a look at what they have to offer. By this point I’ve developed a thick enough skin to judge whether criticism of my acting is valid or not. (Most of the time it’s valid.

Just finished Paul Russell’s book Acting: Make It Your Business. He talks a lot about creating a personal brand and establishing a look and feel to all of your query materials that says you’re serious about your work. Having worked as a publicist before getting into TV and video I have to agree with that. A lot of people get into acting for the social aspects. They’re the ones most likely to remark that an acting gig was “fun.” Well, anything you do professionally should be enjoyable, but for me – and for a lot of actors – the point is to get as many opportunities to act as you can and to do it well. Creating a brand can help get those acting jobs, and acting well is an ongoing personal improvement project.

It will soon be summer. Bah!

Two short films in post production. Shot the last scenes for one on Saturday - in a cemetery no less - and drove home thinking, what now? I haven't managed to line up anything as a follow on. Got home and checked my email and learned I had landed a role in Orange Juice in Bishop's Garden, Otessa Ghadar's web series about growing up in DC in the 1990s. It begins shooting Season 3 in June. Absolutely thrilled! I will play Jill Davis, the mother of Remi. Scripts to follow.

Season 2, which added parents and teachers to the cast, will be posted next week so I will have a chance to see more of the adult characters. Not to discount the younger ones. Many of the teenaged actors are from the Duke Ellington School for the Arts and very comfortable in front of the camera. Extremely talented. More on the series when I hear more.

I learned a few things this week, which made it a good week. One was the effect of costuming on movement. One of the films had me playing a detective, making my way down a dark DC alley with a prop gun and holster on my hip. The director remarked that I walked just like Mariska Hargitay of Law & Order SVU, and it was true. The weight of the gun changed my center of gravity and my walk became totally different. Drama instructors say you need to rehearse in costume; now I can see why.

I'm also learning not to try so hard to "act," which is probably part way to becoming more comfortable and natural in front of the camera. I really think that much of what I learned for acting on the stage is proving to be a stumbling block for acting in film. I need to unlearn it to connect with my character and achieve the kind of authenticity I want. When I start thinking too much about gestures and expressions I start thinking about me and stop reacting to my scene partner.

You'd think I would have learned some of this in four years as a television producer, but political talk shows are a different game altogether and I wasn't consciously analyzing what was going on as a performance, although certainly it was.

Anyway, happy, happy. To bed.

You know that dream everyone has where you’re back in high school and it’s final exam week, only it suddenly dawns on you that you haven’t been in class all semester, have no idea what you’re going to be tested on, or even where your classroom is and you’re going to fail miserably and why-oh-why aren’t you more organized and prepared?

Yes, that one.

Last night I created a variation: I dreamed I was in New York and had a 3:15 p.m. appointment for an audition, only I didn’t have my monologue with me and I couldn’t remember which one I was going to use or even all the words, so I got in a cab and tried to find a bookstore thinking that, hey, it’s only 1 o’clock and I have time, only the cab gets lost and I can’t remember the address where I’m to audition and I’ve muffed my big chance and they’re never going to let me audition in New York again!!! (shriek!)

Anxiety.

Well, at least I wasn't naked.

The weekend is here. Shooting through Monday night. I must say that working seven days a week certainly helped me drop the 10 pounds I was trying to lose. Have a lead on a web series in its third season that has parts for older actors. Checking on it.

Watched Louis Malle's Au Revoir, les Enfants last night - an engaging and thought-provoking film - and was again struck by how difficult it must be to direct children and get a natural and touching performance. Children cast in American television seldom capture anything that looks like genuine childhood, but perhaps it's because they are shown talking too much and thinking too little. What I mean is, and I’m sure there’s a term for this, Malle keeps the adults’ and children’s visible emotions to a minimum, allowing the viewer to project his or her own emotions produced by the story onto each character. Julien doesn’t cry, the viewer cries. Shona Auerbach achieves a similar result in her wonderful film Dear Frankie.

I’m becoming increasingly aware of this in films and working hard to tone down my own performance so that I get less “acting” and more being. Interestingly, I’m finding that film directors seem to respond very positively to that, saying things like “I like that subtle thing you’re doing.” This is, of course, exactly the opposite advice I was given for stage work, where directors said they wanted an all out, eat up the scenery audition because it was easier to tone that down than to ramp up a performance that was too low key. All I can say is that it must take a tremendous amount of experience and confidence to move easily between stage and film.

It’s warming up. Scouting out some film work for the summer as the two short films I’m working on are wrapping up. Not as easy to find roles for older women, but something will turn up. My employer is casting an industrial for a physicians’ association on Hypo Sexual Dysfunction Disorder. I’d ask to do the doctor part, but I think I’d get the giggles. Not good.