Trying to keep my nerves at bay. I landed an audition slot for Stonehenge XI, coming up on Sunday, June 6th, in Baltimore. I’ve prepared the 45 headshots and résumés required, and signed the release to let them tape my audition and post it to YouTube. It’s a good opportunity. Representatives from 35 independent production companies with near-term film projects in the works will be in attendance and the YouTube posting makes it possible – from what I’ve heard from other actors - to get as much or more work out of the web posting as from the live audition.

My monologue is an Elizabeth Deane scene in the sci-fi thriller Virtuosity (a role played by Louise Fletcher in the film). It’s the one where she’s offering a pardon from prison to Denzel Washington if he’ll catch the android killer, played by Russell Crowe. A very “I’ve got all the cards; take it or leave it” kind of scene that calls for cool on so many levels. So naturally the weather forecast for Sunday is high heat and humidity, which almost guarantees a shiny face and frizzy hair. Must think positive. I have the monologue down pat. Also my astrology forecast says Sunday is my lucky day. (Hey, I'm grasping at anything.)

I’m also hoping my scene is different enough to draw some positive attention. One thing I’ve noticed watching open auditions is that most dramatic monologues are essentially “I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.” So if you watch a large number of actor's audition, what you see frequently is this:

“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”
“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”
“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”
“I’m going to tell you a little story and it’s all about me.”

It very soon becomes a blur, and at Stonehenge the production reps watching will have seen about 80 of these before they get to me. I think every actor has to consider their monologue in the context of the open audition itself. Will I make them sit up and take notice with a scene that simply has me talking to someone else? I don't know. When I performed the monologue on camera in class, my drama instructor actor Michael Gabel (who’s had supporting roles in major films and done the Stonehenge auditions several times) said that I have a lot of on-camera presence and control, and that I command the screen in a way that is seldom seen at Stonehenge. I hope he's right. I also hope that whatever I did with it that night I manage to replicate on Sunday.

The SAG Regional Boards are recommending that all acting unions merge into one union – an idea that’s come up before but couldn’t get the required support of 60 percent of the SAG membership. Still, it again raises the questions of whether and when to join a union. Acting friends say union membership cuts you off from 90 percent of the work in the Baltimore/Washington area, but is that paying work? I need more experience, but by not joining am I missing out on a chance to take my career to a level that’s more professionally recognized?

And how much experience in film is enough experience? I watched Steven Spielberg’s Young Sherlock Holmes last week (a good film and superior in many ways to this year’s Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downing Jr. and Jude Law). The star of YSH, Nicholas Rowe, was 19 and fresh out of Eton with no acting experience apparently. Daddy was an MP, which may have helped him get a crack at reading for the part. Also, he looked like a young Sherlock Holmes, which helped. But, bottom line, he was extremely good in the role. He did sword fights, fist fights, love scenes. Spielberg’s a great director. Is it just good direction?

Or how about Himalaya – a dramatic film shot entirely with non-actors – in fact, with people who’d never seen a film because they lived in a village that’s a three-week hike from the nearest road. They quickly got the concept and turned in really remarkable performances.

Anyway, mulling it all over – unions, experience, whether I need to unlearn everything I’ve learned about acting for the stage because it doesn’t seem to help me in film. I’m reading I’ll be in my Trailer: The Creative Wars between Directors and Actors by John Badham and Craig Modderno, a terrific book recommended to me by actress Victoria Natalia. Very valuable insights into theatre and filmmaking, largely from the point of view of the director. I've learned a lot from that book.

But God I hate auditions. My heart pounds, my hands shake. Yesterday I auditioned for another industrial the company I work for is producing for the Department of Homeland Security. No monolog, no sides, no reader. I was asked to on the spot improvise one-half of a conversation. Bah! What kind of audition is that!

Well, a woman is not a prophet – nor an actor – in her own land. Looking ahead to Sunday.